Thanksgiving

So, this post isn't really going to be one of flowers and happy times. It's going to be about the anger that I am experiencing right now...just to warn anyone who chooses to read this thing...

November 2, 2009 - my dad has a colonoscopy. A huge blockage is found. We don't know what it is, but are bracing for the worst, but praying that is nothing.

November 3, 2009 - daddy hears from the lab that the biopsies that were taken from the blockage confirm that the blockage is a malignant tumor in his colon...

November 4, 2009 - daddy has surgery to remove this malignant tumor. no matter how much praying was being done, the worst is confirmed that the cancer had spread and was extensive in his liver. Also, it was in the surrounding lymphnodes...Daddy is battling stage 4 colon cancer that matacisized to the liver and lymphnodes...

November 6, 2009 - daddy's oncologist comes to the hospital and, once again, confirms our worst fear. Daddy's cancer isn't curable and is terminal. His time left with us is totally up to how his body reacts to the chemo. We could have him a few months, we could have 6+ years....

November 24, 2009 - daddy FINALLY comes home from the hospital - yeah, he's been in the hospital since november 4th...his wound got infected so he couldn't go home until it was determined where it was coming from. Luckily, it was simply a skin transfer, and nothing was growing inside the wound, just bacteria from his skin creeping into the gaping hole in his abdomen - yes, I know it is gaping cause I've seen inside it several times....

November 24, 2009 - I realize that the man that is at home isn't my daddy. This surgery and cancer has really affected him in more ways than I originally realized. I am just like my daddy. Meaning, for those that know me, I am very happy-go-lucky, it takes ALOT to get under my skin, and I am convinced that there is nothing in this world that I cannot do. That's how daddy was....now, because of all the swelling and all, he can't hardly get out of a chair. It took me, my brother, and my husband to get him up out of a chair today. It broke my heart to do this, mainly because I know that it is killing daddy for him not to be able to do things.....daddy's ankles are about the size of my thighs, yet, because of all of the weight that he has lost, that we didn't notice, his arms aren't any bigger than mine and we can see his ribs and collarbones....

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving - probably one of daddy's favorite holidays. Mainly, because of the fact that we always get together for Thanksgiving, he cooks, we makes tons of jokes, and a grand time is had by all..

This year, we are all just happy that daddy is still with us and is at home. I know deep down inside of me that our time with him is limited. I am praying daily for a miracle because I know my God is the God of miracles. It still doesn't change the fact that my daddy isn't well. My daddy, who has always been so full of life and energy, can barely pick himself up out of a damn chair.

Why couldn't this have happened to someone who didn't care for her family like I do? Why did this have to happen to MY daddy?! This is hitting him in the prime of his life - he has a new grandson who is so full of energy it is scary, and daddy can't hardly play with him right now. I know that daddy is still recovering from surgery, but why is HE having to fight cancer? Why is HE having to go through chemo??

With all this being said, I am praying that daddy gets better. I am praying that somehow this "uncurable" cancer can be cured. Or at least slowed down dramatically. I just want Riley to remember his Pop. I want Riley to have the same experiences that I had as a kid - all of my grandparents within a 20 mile radius from home. Granted, we will have to extend the radius for Riles since Ruth is a little further than 20 miles, but I still want daddy here for Riley.

My heart breaks more and more everyday. I didn't know that one person's heart could break so much. Evidently it can. I'm living proof of that. I feel as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest when I even think about what is going on with daddy. It's just not fair...

Okay, so I haven't written in like 3 months! Since the last time I wrote.....I've had my little man!! Joshua Riley Ard joined us at 3:10 pm March 25th! He was 7 pounds 10 ounces and 20 inches long. He's so much bigger now though!!!! We've had some ups and downs but he's an AWESOME sleeper - sleeps through the night from about 9 till 7ish! Takes an afternoon nap, usually :) More to come soon I promise!!

YAY!!!!

Okay, so I went to the doctor today and found out a few things...
#1 - SO did NOT know they did some kind of swab test at 35/36 weeks - that was REALLY not cool!
#2 - found out what a contraction feels like! I've been having them for the past 2 or so weeks and since it was more intense pressure than pain, I figured it wasn't a contraction - she told me that if it feels like he is completely up in a ball at the top of my stomach and he is pushing out, that's a contraction - I've had like 2-4 a day on and off for the past couple of weeks and didn't know what it was!! I thought he was just attempting to make room - she said they would get more and more painful.....great....
#3 - the best one! I'M 1 WHOLE CM DILATED!!! I'm about 30% effaced!! I hope when I go back next Friday I'm progressing rather than doing nothing like a sitting duck :(

I've been pretty productive this Spring break - Haven't really slept late - may do that tomorrow...I have done:

• Washed ALL of my stinky man's clothes that are 0-3 sizes
  
• Washed his burp cloths, towels, washrags, and cloth diapers - well, I'm on wash #2 of 3 on the cloth diapers - gotta get them ready for him!!!
• Ordered his diaper pail liners, two more diaper covers, diaper pail deodorizer disks, and garment extenders
• Bought some of the random nick nacks that I haven't gotten from showers
• Returned the duplicates/wrong sized stuff - had an interesting experience at Target - didn't know they had a new policy where if you don't have a receipt, you can only make 2 returns per calendar year for a total of $25 or less per return....Luckily, everything had been taken off of my registry, so I printed out the purchased items page of my registry and they had to take the stuff back....
• Painted his name on canvases - yes, we have a name, and no I won't tell :) You'll know when my parents know and that'll be after he's born :)
• Washed and put his crib bedding on his bed

Yes, I have a little bit of the whole nesting syndrome! I'm getting a little stir crazy cause I still don't have my changing table - daddy said he'd have it ready by the end of the week - but since I don't have the changing table, I have no where except baskets and canvas bins to put his clothes and stuff like that....the changing table has 2 drawers and 2 shelves, so it has a lot of storage in it...but, I can't store anything in it till it's here!

I may go to VBurg tomorrow - I want to get him one more little outfit - they have the cutest plaid shorts and tshirt combos there! I have one and I want the other one!! HAHA!! I'm going to be so broke and this little boy is going to be so spoiled!!!!!

still omg

This is my favorite picture of my son!!!

Yeah, I think OMG pretty much sums up how I feel right now. That, and tired. I HATE this time change!!! I need that hour of sleep that was taken from me!! It's not like I can sleep that much anyways now, so why must I lose an HOUR, a precious hour of sleep?!!? So not fair.... Anyways, yeah, our little man is due on April 11th, which is exactly 5 weeks from yesterday. 5 WEEKS. That's just barely a month away! I'm ready for Spring Break so I will be able to take an entire week to prepare for him and get things ready. I plan to have the following things done (like my bullet list! HAHA!)

• Wash his cloth diapers and put them up
  
• Wash his bedding and make up the crib
• Start washing his onsies and socks and stuff like that - how much do onsies shrink?? Please someone tell me cause I don't want to ruin them, but I don't really want to be hanging up onsies all the time!!
• Paint the last couple of canvases that I'm making for his room - I'm going to attempt to paint monkeys - haven't done this yet, but I'm pretty good at flamingoes, so he may get one of those instead! j/k I can draw a monkey, so I should be able to paint one!
• Return the duplicates to Babies R Us, Target, and Wal-Mart AND attempt to reduce the number of things that are still needing to be purchased, like another carseat dock....prolly need on of those!!
• Go to the auction in Hattiesburg to possibly get a new car! :)

Oh yeah, I still need to finish my plans for my long term sub and the stuff that Christie will need for Student Council - plan to work on this stuff this coming week while kiddies are taking my exam. And work on it tomorrow while I'm off, assuming that I don't have to stay at the courthouse all day - yeah, I have jury duty tomorrow...has anyone ever had this before? What do I have to do? Ugh, I don't really want to go AT ALL... I start going tomorrow for weekly doctors appointments. Yeah, she's gonna start "checking" me. Not really looking forward to it, but that means that I'm getting closer to having this baby :) YAY!! I need to go and write thank you notes for the gifts that I've gotten. I'm actually doing really well with thank you notes this time - I was horrible at them when I got married, but I had 15 billion things going on when I got married and I don't really have that much going on now, so maybe that's why it's so much easier!

OMG

Yeah, so I'm going to be a mom in like 6 weeks! I've been so super busy over the past month and a half, I haven't had ANY time to blog, or even to breathe really!! I'll finish my grad class Tuesday night and cannot wait! I won't start another one until June 8th - I don't really want to take anymore classes, but I kinda want the pay raise, so I really don't have a choice :(

Our crib FINALLY came yesterday. It has been on backorder since I ordered it on January 14th..but, either way, it's here but still in the box! We are the most unprepared parents in the world.....

Lots to Do - So Little Time!!

Well, today was one of the most productive days I've had in a long time! I had my monthly appointment and I start going every two weeks now! I go back the 28th for a visit and then the 30th for the 4-D ultrasound!! I can't wait to see him again!

We've registered at Target. We've ordered the crib. I've gotten my textbooks for my class that I'm taking this term. We took care of some little random things that we needed to do!! It was a long, tiring day, but it was well worth it since we got so much accomplished!

A New Year!

I have been thinking about 2008 and all of the wonderful new things that happened in mine and Josh's life. Before 2008, I wasn't even sure that I wanted to have children! But, over the first few months of 2008, I began thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a baby and watch him or her grow up before my eyes. I realized that I didn't care that I wasn't finished with my master's degree and I didn't care that I was only 22 years old, and all of the things that I was so worried about completing before I had children really weren't that important in the scope of things. So, Josh and I talked and talked and talked about it and prayed and prayed and prayed about it and we felt it was the right thing to do and it was the right timing and everything so we started trying for a baby in March. This is after we bought our second house the end of February and moved to Clinton!

I really was thinking that it would take us a while to have a baby. I was on birth control for 7 years and I figured it would take us a while, but on August 5th, I took the test and it said "pregnant"! Shocked, scared, and so happy are the only things that I felt at that moment.

I spent the first 15-16 weeks of my pregnancy completely miserable. I was so sick everyday, all day. I wanted to kill whatever man came up with the term "morning sickness" because no woman who has ever woken up at 1130 at night throwing up would EVER call it morning sickness!! For a little bit, I wondered if it was all going to be worth it, honestly. I thought I would never stop throwing up, I thought I would never start gaining weight, and I thought my doctor would not stop hounding me about not gaining weight!! Kinda tough to gain weight when you are borrowing food!

But, one day, I woke up and I wasn't nauseous. I knew it was too good to be true, so I was just happy for that day and expected it back the next day. But the next day, I felt even better! I have felt wonderful ever since then!!

I'm now 27 weeks pregnant - starting the 3rd and final trimester! I can't believe that my son will be here is 13ish weeks, depending on when I go into labor! I am still very much for a natural birth - no I'm not saying that I won't use any of the drugs that are available because I will be needing them, but I don't want a c-section if I can avoid it!! Just something about it scares me...I can't believe I'm going to be a real mother in 13ish weeks!

We don't really have anything ready for him!! We just bought the paint for the nursery like last week and Josh just started taping the walls yesterday. I think he's going to start painting today, but it will take him a little while to actually finish because two walls will be brown and two walls will be green so he's going to have to paint two walls, let them dry fully, take down the tape, and retape at the corners so he doesn't mix the paints! I really wasn't thinking when I decided about how to paint the room! But, I know everything will come together before he gets here, I hope!!

I start classes again on january 20th. This class will be over March 3rd and I won't take another class until June. I have a baby shower scheduled too! The one at work will be March 5th after school. I can't wait cause Valerie and Katie are saying they are going to come for it! I hope they both make it cause I miss them so much at work! The place is a little boring without them - I'm not lucky like some of the other schools in my district where the majority of the teachers are younger. The majority of the teachers are 35+ where I work now, since Katie and VPatt left me! We have a couple of new teachers that are about my age so that makes it a little better, but none are in my same boat with a baby either on the way or have a baby at home.....

The only bad thing that 2009 holds for our family is the fact that my mother in law was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer on new years eve. She will have a lumpectomy this Tuesday to remove it and she will begin radiation in about a month. She will more than likely have to have chemo as well because of her hormone levels being so low. She is a fighter and I know everything will be okay, but it is still scary and hard for Josh and the rest of us.

I am excited about the changes and surprises in store for us in 2009!!