Life Goes On

Hey Everybody!

Yeah, it's been QUITE a long time since I blogged anything. I actually just read my last blog....my daddy was still alive.....man how times have changed....

We lost daddy November 28, 2009, to cancer. My last blog was on Wednesday before we lost daddy on Saturday. I was planning on cooking for the entire family for Thanksgiving and having it at mama and daddy's house. Mama had to take daddy back to the hospital on Thanksgiving night cause he was having a hard time breathing. We found out the next day he couldn't breathe because the cancer had spread to his lungs. Sadly, that day, in his own way, he told us all goodbye. When I left the hospital, he told me that he loved me and to take care of Riley. He told the entire family that somehow he would be cured of his cancer, even if it meant that he wasn't here....That was Friday night. Saturday morning, mama called me and told me to get to the hospital. Josh and I did nothing under 100 mph getting there to find out that it was too late. Daddy had gone home. He had been cured of cancer. He was getting to watch the Egg Bowl with the best seats a Dawgs fan could ask for (for those that don't follow MS State and Ole Miss football, the Egg Bowl was on Nov. 28th, 2009).

With all that being said, the next few days were a blur to me. I do know that State won the Egg Bowl - I know dad had a hand in that :) I know we buried daddy on what felt like the coldest day in history! And I know that it takes nothing to make me cry anymore!

However, as the title to my post says, life does go on.......here's a synopsis of our life since then...

• Riley started walking
• Riley turned one
• Andrew finished the MS State Fire Academy
• I graduated with my Master's from Belhaven
• I stayed at home with Riley ALL SUMMER!!!!!

Riley is the funniest little boy EVER!!!

Here is him "helping" me in my classroom this summer! He was super tired here and was doing anything and everything to stay awake!!

My goal in life is twofold #1 make sure that Riley knows who is Pop was and how much Daddy loved Riley. #2 is to do everything that I can to make sure no other family goes through what mine went through. I know the second goal is a bit ambitious but I am working with the Madison County Relay for Life and I am working to do everything that I can to promote cancer prevention. That's what daddy would want me to do - not to wallow in the fact that he's not here. He would want me to do everything that I could to stop this disease. To stop as many families as I can from going through this. And that's what I am going to do. I am going to do everything that I can to promote early cancer screenings and early cancer detections.

Love you daddy!! See you soon :)

Thanksgiving

So, this post isn't really going to be one of flowers and happy times. It's going to be about the anger that I am experiencing right now...just to warn anyone who chooses to read this thing...

November 2, 2009 - my dad has a colonoscopy. A huge blockage is found. We don't know what it is, but are bracing for the worst, but praying that is nothing.

November 3, 2009 - daddy hears from the lab that the biopsies that were taken from the blockage confirm that the blockage is a malignant tumor in his colon...

November 4, 2009 - daddy has surgery to remove this malignant tumor. no matter how much praying was being done, the worst is confirmed that the cancer had spread and was extensive in his liver. Also, it was in the surrounding lymphnodes...Daddy is battling stage 4 colon cancer that matacisized to the liver and lymphnodes...

November 6, 2009 - daddy's oncologist comes to the hospital and, once again, confirms our worst fear. Daddy's cancer isn't curable and is terminal. His time left with us is totally up to how his body reacts to the chemo. We could have him a few months, we could have 6+ years....

November 24, 2009 - daddy FINALLY comes home from the hospital - yeah, he's been in the hospital since november 4th...his wound got infected so he couldn't go home until it was determined where it was coming from. Luckily, it was simply a skin transfer, and nothing was growing inside the wound, just bacteria from his skin creeping into the gaping hole in his abdomen - yes, I know it is gaping cause I've seen inside it several times....

November 24, 2009 - I realize that the man that is at home isn't my daddy. This surgery and cancer has really affected him in more ways than I originally realized. I am just like my daddy. Meaning, for those that know me, I am very happy-go-lucky, it takes ALOT to get under my skin, and I am convinced that there is nothing in this world that I cannot do. That's how daddy was....now, because of all the swelling and all, he can't hardly get out of a chair. It took me, my brother, and my husband to get him up out of a chair today. It broke my heart to do this, mainly because I know that it is killing daddy for him not to be able to do things.....daddy's ankles are about the size of my thighs, yet, because of all of the weight that he has lost, that we didn't notice, his arms aren't any bigger than mine and we can see his ribs and collarbones....

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving - probably one of daddy's favorite holidays. Mainly, because of the fact that we always get together for Thanksgiving, he cooks, we makes tons of jokes, and a grand time is had by all..

This year, we are all just happy that daddy is still with us and is at home. I know deep down inside of me that our time with him is limited. I am praying daily for a miracle because I know my God is the God of miracles. It still doesn't change the fact that my daddy isn't well. My daddy, who has always been so full of life and energy, can barely pick himself up out of a damn chair.

Why couldn't this have happened to someone who didn't care for her family like I do? Why did this have to happen to MY daddy?! This is hitting him in the prime of his life - he has a new grandson who is so full of energy it is scary, and daddy can't hardly play with him right now. I know that daddy is still recovering from surgery, but why is HE having to fight cancer? Why is HE having to go through chemo??

With all this being said, I am praying that daddy gets better. I am praying that somehow this "uncurable" cancer can be cured. Or at least slowed down dramatically. I just want Riley to remember his Pop. I want Riley to have the same experiences that I had as a kid - all of my grandparents within a 20 mile radius from home. Granted, we will have to extend the radius for Riles since Ruth is a little further than 20 miles, but I still want daddy here for Riley.

My heart breaks more and more everyday. I didn't know that one person's heart could break so much. Evidently it can. I'm living proof of that. I feel as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest when I even think about what is going on with daddy. It's just not fair...

Okay, so I haven't written in like 3 months! Since the last time I wrote.....I've had my little man!! Joshua Riley Ard joined us at 3:10 pm March 25th! He was 7 pounds 10 ounces and 20 inches long. He's so much bigger now though!!!! We've had some ups and downs but he's an AWESOME sleeper - sleeps through the night from about 9 till 7ish! Takes an afternoon nap, usually :) More to come soon I promise!!

YAY!!!!

Okay, so I went to the doctor today and found out a few things...
#1 - SO did NOT know they did some kind of swab test at 35/36 weeks - that was REALLY not cool!
#2 - found out what a contraction feels like! I've been having them for the past 2 or so weeks and since it was more intense pressure than pain, I figured it wasn't a contraction - she told me that if it feels like he is completely up in a ball at the top of my stomach and he is pushing out, that's a contraction - I've had like 2-4 a day on and off for the past couple of weeks and didn't know what it was!! I thought he was just attempting to make room - she said they would get more and more painful.....great....
#3 - the best one! I'M 1 WHOLE CM DILATED!!! I'm about 30% effaced!! I hope when I go back next Friday I'm progressing rather than doing nothing like a sitting duck :(

I've been pretty productive this Spring break - Haven't really slept late - may do that tomorrow...I have done:

• Washed ALL of my stinky man's clothes that are 0-3 sizes
  
• Washed his burp cloths, towels, washrags, and cloth diapers - well, I'm on wash #2 of 3 on the cloth diapers - gotta get them ready for him!!!
• Ordered his diaper pail liners, two more diaper covers, diaper pail deodorizer disks, and garment extenders
• Bought some of the random nick nacks that I haven't gotten from showers
• Returned the duplicates/wrong sized stuff - had an interesting experience at Target - didn't know they had a new policy where if you don't have a receipt, you can only make 2 returns per calendar year for a total of $25 or less per return....Luckily, everything had been taken off of my registry, so I printed out the purchased items page of my registry and they had to take the stuff back....
• Painted his name on canvases - yes, we have a name, and no I won't tell :) You'll know when my parents know and that'll be after he's born :)
• Washed and put his crib bedding on his bed

Yes, I have a little bit of the whole nesting syndrome! I'm getting a little stir crazy cause I still don't have my changing table - daddy said he'd have it ready by the end of the week - but since I don't have the changing table, I have no where except baskets and canvas bins to put his clothes and stuff like that....the changing table has 2 drawers and 2 shelves, so it has a lot of storage in it...but, I can't store anything in it till it's here!

I may go to VBurg tomorrow - I want to get him one more little outfit - they have the cutest plaid shorts and tshirt combos there! I have one and I want the other one!! HAHA!! I'm going to be so broke and this little boy is going to be so spoiled!!!!!

still omg

This is my favorite picture of my son!!!

Yeah, I think OMG pretty much sums up how I feel right now. That, and tired. I HATE this time change!!! I need that hour of sleep that was taken from me!! It's not like I can sleep that much anyways now, so why must I lose an HOUR, a precious hour of sleep?!!? So not fair.... Anyways, yeah, our little man is due on April 11th, which is exactly 5 weeks from yesterday. 5 WEEKS. That's just barely a month away! I'm ready for Spring Break so I will be able to take an entire week to prepare for him and get things ready. I plan to have the following things done (like my bullet list! HAHA!)

• Wash his cloth diapers and put them up
  
• Wash his bedding and make up the crib
• Start washing his onsies and socks and stuff like that - how much do onsies shrink?? Please someone tell me cause I don't want to ruin them, but I don't really want to be hanging up onsies all the time!!
• Paint the last couple of canvases that I'm making for his room - I'm going to attempt to paint monkeys - haven't done this yet, but I'm pretty good at flamingoes, so he may get one of those instead! j/k I can draw a monkey, so I should be able to paint one!
• Return the duplicates to Babies R Us, Target, and Wal-Mart AND attempt to reduce the number of things that are still needing to be purchased, like another carseat dock....prolly need on of those!!
• Go to the auction in Hattiesburg to possibly get a new car! :)

Oh yeah, I still need to finish my plans for my long term sub and the stuff that Christie will need for Student Council - plan to work on this stuff this coming week while kiddies are taking my exam. And work on it tomorrow while I'm off, assuming that I don't have to stay at the courthouse all day - yeah, I have jury duty tomorrow...has anyone ever had this before? What do I have to do? Ugh, I don't really want to go AT ALL... I start going tomorrow for weekly doctors appointments. Yeah, she's gonna start "checking" me. Not really looking forward to it, but that means that I'm getting closer to having this baby :) YAY!! I need to go and write thank you notes for the gifts that I've gotten. I'm actually doing really well with thank you notes this time - I was horrible at them when I got married, but I had 15 billion things going on when I got married and I don't really have that much going on now, so maybe that's why it's so much easier!

OMG

Yeah, so I'm going to be a mom in like 6 weeks! I've been so super busy over the past month and a half, I haven't had ANY time to blog, or even to breathe really!! I'll finish my grad class Tuesday night and cannot wait! I won't start another one until June 8th - I don't really want to take anymore classes, but I kinda want the pay raise, so I really don't have a choice :(

Our crib FINALLY came yesterday. It has been on backorder since I ordered it on January 14th..but, either way, it's here but still in the box! We are the most unprepared parents in the world.....

Lots to Do - So Little Time!!

Well, today was one of the most productive days I've had in a long time! I had my monthly appointment and I start going every two weeks now! I go back the 28th for a visit and then the 30th for the 4-D ultrasound!! I can't wait to see him again!

We've registered at Target. We've ordered the crib. I've gotten my textbooks for my class that I'm taking this term. We took care of some little random things that we needed to do!! It was a long, tiring day, but it was well worth it since we got so much accomplished!